Roma's Interview

 Roma’s Interview

            I’m sitting here with no idea where to begin. We’ve been seeing Roma for several years now. She is one person I trust explicitly to give it to me straight and won’t use what I say as a weapon against me. Roma is our family counselor and marriage counselor. I’ve decided to turn the tables around and ask questions of her for a change. I want to know why a knowledgeable psychotherapist would allow an addiction to control her life.  Why hasn’t she quit after all these years?

I called her up and explained my situation, and that I needed her help. She stated “Come on over, I don’t have any clients right now.” So I headed out the door. “Wow she is so cool,” I thought to myself. My head was reeling with questions as I drove to her house. It’s a blue with brick veneer, ranch style home with a two car garage and a walk-out basement that has been remodeled into an apartment for her mother, Marie. Marie by the way is in her 90’s and legally blind. Roma and her husband live up stairs and Marie lives downstairs. They have people come in to take care of her during the day. Thus she has ‘round the clock care this way but doesn’t have to live in a nursing home.

           

After I knocked on the door she came and opened it slightly and then proceeded to walk back into her office saying, “Come on in.”  Inside it is your average home; not too fancy but nice and well kept. Not that you would expect anything less, she’s a professional.

I walked into what most would call the living room, which she uses as her office. This is where she practices. Her glider rocker with matching ottoman, are placed almost exactly in the center of the room facing a couch on one wall. She has her coffee table or night stand next to her. The Couch is not your stereotypical psychiatrist’s couch, but a big fluffy f-leather (fake leather) couch, so fluffy that I felt like I was going to get lost in it. While sitting here I realized that the footrest / coffee table is actually an old leather trunk. I find it amazing how after all these years I never really paid much attention.

We sat there talking for some time about my quitting tobacco use and how I hadn’t told my soon-to-be ex-wife what I was doing. Which she responded, “So why do you think that is?” As I started to explain my position on the matter, I stopped myself and started to laugh. She smiled curiously back at me and asked, “What is it?” As I replied, “I’m supposed to be interviewing you, remember?”  She laughed and said, “Ok let’s get to it then.”

As I began my series of questions I became very aware of how little I really knew about this woman. For instance, on the wall as she pointed out, she has prominently displayed three certificates, one from the state of Iowa proving the LISW on her title (Licensed Iowa Social Worker). Another proving her master’s degree in Social Work. The third of which I found quite intriguing, a blue belt certificate in the martial art of Kung Fu.  So if I get out of line she really can put me in my place.

Not that I would have ever doubted that notion anyway, she’s your typical Iowa farm girl. Being a woman in her late fifties to early sixties, she still looks to be a very stout woman. I think she would stand out in a crowd, but not because of her auburn colored hair, or her sometimes unique attire, but because she carries this presence with her. It is this presence that I find very calming. She can usually put me at ease even when the conversation is leading somewhere outside of my comfort zone.

I found it amazing that she was also quite at ease talking to me about herself. I found out that she started smoking when she was eighteen and in college away from home for the first time. She bought a pack of cigarettes and made herself smoke, she thought it would make her look more sophisticated; “more cosmopolitan” as she described it. After she’d learned how to smoke and in an attempt at impressing him, she began smoking with her boyfriend who was 3 years older.

I found it interesting too, that although I knew she smoked, I did not know she hid it from her family, especially her mom. I asked her why but she didn’t really know, she just wasn’t comfortable smoking around them.

She has quit smoking three times. The first time was cold turkey. She said, “It was awful! Never again.” The second time she used nicotine patches and according to her, “They worked the best.” The third time she used the infamous Chantix. It gave her diarrhea and made her grumpy. I can attest to the effects of Chantix first hand (well second hand actually) my wife turned into this incorrigible monster while she was taking it. I became a walking target of aggression. I believe it gave her diarrhea as well.

I initiated a conversation about hypnosis. But the only comment she would go on record with was, “From what I understand, hypnosis therapy can leave you in a very raw emotional state.”  Personally, I think that is probably true of any therapy, you’re in your therapists hands so to speak and it’s up to them to recognize whether or not you are in a stable state before they let you leave the session.

As Roma stated, “I blame myself for my smoking habit. You have to want to quit or you’ll never succeed.” She’s almost embarrassed about her addiction. We agree that if you don’t truly want to quit tobacco, then there is no point in paying out large sums of money in an effort to find a quick fix. There is no quick fix. It takes a concentrated effort and absolute commitment to stop. It takes no more than a lapse in judgment and a few seconds to re-start.

I walked into this interview wanting answers. How could she allow herself to be controlled by this addiction? When I walked away, I understood, she’s human. She wasn’t a therapist when she started smoking; she was a smoker that started practicing psychotherapy and she’s good at what she does. So many professionals out there succumb to the pressures and stressors of their lives; they resort to illicit and illegal forms of addiction. Smoking is legal, and she was of legal age when she started.  I would guess that’s better than most tobacco users can say.