Day 21 – Been sick for a week now

            I have been sick for a week now. I have had my good days and my bad days, well no let me rephrase that I’ve had my bad days and I’ve had my worse days. I thought I was improving with the medicine but I found out different. It’s still making me sick, I’m glad it’s almost gone and the stuff in my mouth and throat appear to be gone.

On top of that, I’ve been immersed in a research paper for the better part of 2 weeks. I must be absolutely insane to have undertaken a quest of this magnitude. 9 books countless websites all in the interest of getting a good grade and once I turned in the paper, it occurs to me that the paper sucks and would likely score an F. Now back to the insane part, one of the most important parts of quitting smoking or chew or whatever, is forgetting about it at some point and the sooner the better. You change your habits, you develop new routines, and you pacify your brain all in the interest of reprogramming yourself.

            Makes sense right? One thing you don’t do is immerse yourself in a project that forces you to contemplate your addiction for every second of every minute of every hour of every day for the better part of 2 weeks. And then getting sick from one of my replacements and have stayed sick from the medicines that are supposed to make me well. All this research and feeling like crap, and all the sudden I’m thinking smoking sounds pretty good right now.

            No, I’m not going out to buy a pack and a lighter. I’ve suffered through this much I’m not going to give up that easily. But it is incredibly difficult to focus on anything else, right now and really hard not to be irritable. Something I swore I would do my absolute best not to do. Besides that, as I have stated before I hate smoking that’s why I took up chew. Although now that I think about it, I don’t know why I took up chew instead. The first time I put it in I lost my cookies within about 15 minutes.

            I had a few friends that chewed but I wasn’t the kind of kid that went out of my way to fit in. I was gullible though. Perhaps it was my cousin talking me into it, or wanting to do it himself and bringing me along for the ride. I don’t know. End result, 27 years of addiction. I’ve heard lately how much worse it is for chewers to quit because they get nicotine nearly all the time. I would agree with that concept except I’ve never smoked so I can’t attest to how hard it is to stopping smoking.

            I can attest to one point though Nystatin Oral susp. is nasty crap. It tastes ok, it goes down fine and gives you the illusion that its good stuff. Then next thing you know you feel like hell. My head hurts, my stomach starts feeling queasy, and then I start to feel nauseated. If I don’t go lay down I end up throwing up. Sometimes I end up vomiting any way. I’ve gotten use to the crap now, so I don’t vomit much anymore but just damn near. I have to do this 4 times a day. I’ve got one more dose and then I think I’m going to stop. Going through all of this makes me so tired but I can’t sleep so I try to do my homework and I can’t stay awake, back and forth back and forth.  I think I’ll go try now.