Day 27 – Coming down the home stretch

            I have to say the whole getting sick thing took me by surprise. I am finally feeling better. I am figuring out that being sick is a trigger. For the most part over the years I would subside from chewing while I was sick. Not completely but probably 25 to 50 percent of what I normally consumed.

            When I started to feel better my body would naturally begin to require more nicotine. I have been without chew for about 23 days now. As soon as I started to feel better I went into withdrawals again. This time it was the depression phase of withdrawal that was the most overwhelming. I couldn’t get past it. I just wanted to cover up and ignore everything.  I was pissed at the world and was trying very hard not to take it out on everyone around me. The signs: “Don’t Poke the Bear!!!” and “Do Not Tap on the Glass!!!” come to mind.

 Day 27- I got side tracked

The weather is changing here.  This is a beautiful time in Iowa but it also means winter is coming and snow is around the corner. The leaves have changed colors and are falling off the trees. I’m wondering now if this has anything to do with my current state of mind as well. When I quit in 2001 it was spring. It was a time of renewal. My life was in a state of turmoil but the future was looking brighter, I met a woman whom seemed to take everything with a fresh breath of air and jump in head first with reckless abandon.

            I now know this to be a fallacy. It wasn’t a fresh breath of air; it was the metaphorical act of holding her breath and closing her eyes. Hoping things come out right in the end. The act of smoking 1 to 2 packs of cigarettes a day for thirty some years and wondering why you can’t stop coughing. Then spending hundreds of dollars to quit. With no accountability for her actions beyond, “Well I thought I was ready to quit this time.” Turning into this unrecognizable cretin while taking Chantix. And blaming her entire family for not supporting her; looking for anything to fault anyone for anything no matter how insignificant.  All the while she continued to smoke at least a pack a day while taking the pills, never ever attempting to actually stop smoking but only actually slowing down a little for a month or so.

            While looking for that quick fix she went to a hypnotist this summer. After 3 sessions over the course of a month she was left so raw emotionally that she couldn’t help but destroy what was left of our relationship. Every issue she's ever had with any man in her life and the issues we've had over the last 8 years were now like having grains of sand driven into her eye for each and every item. In an effort to get away from it all she and the (now) boyfriend decided to go gallivanting across the country side all the way to Canada. And now what reached a climax three months ago continues on today.

Her implosion continues while our divorce expands. Her new love affair with a (then) child she helped raise flourishes and grows. Our children have begun to accept the relationship as normalcy. And so we (her and I) co-exist (in the same house) throughout the week and then go our separate ways for the weekends. We have adjusted the custody arrangements with our previous ex- spouses to accommodate the new circumstances. Allowing for opposing weekends and still maintaining a relationship between our other children (hers and mine) and the youngest (ours). And so we move on.

Why present all of this here? Well to be honest I don't know beyond the fact that this is personally therapeutic and I can see this as being beneficial to others. Also, for those of you that are considering the next phase of your addiction; look at what I have undergone and am undergoing. If you are thinking of taking up tobacco, don’t. If you are thinking of quitting, do; and don’t excuse yourself out of it. When you are ready to quit you will know it, you will absolutely know it. It isn’t up to anyone else for you to break this addiction. It isn’t up to anyone else to support you through it; although that can be very beneficial. Ultimately, if I can go through everything that I am going through right now and still quit. So can any of you that are considering stopping. And by the way, I “want” a dip right now as I write this. But, in the words of George Bush, “…Not gonna do it.” In case I haven't said this before, there is no quick fix, no drug can make you quit, no amount of hypnosis or other therapy can make you quit. You are in charge of you and it is up to you to take responsibility and hold yourself accountable for your own actions.

Day 26- Doing some Arithmetic.

I hadn't recently considered the math of chewing tobacco. I mean -- I know what it costs to buy a can of chew. That's not hard to think about but to really understand the mathematics involved? Not even close, no one thinks about that stuff.

I purchased chew at Quick Trip for approximately $40 a roll thus translating to $4 per can. To buy it individually at a convenience store would cost nearly $6 per can, unless it were on “sale” or on “special”. If I chewed exactly 1 can per day that would translate to exactly 365 cans per year which equals $1460 plus tax which equals about $1550 at an average sales tax of 6%.

Then there is the “while I’m here” factor. What’s that you ask? This factor references, “While I’m here I should get something to drink.” “Oh, while I’m here I should get something to eat and while here I should get something for later.” So $2.50 for a couple pops, $5 - $7 for food or junk rather. So let’s say for argument’s sake it cost an additional $10 with tax which would manifest itself into my wallet at least once per week. Thus, 365 cans divided by 10 cans per roll = 36.5 which translates to an additional 37 purchases times $10 which = $370. So now we are at $1550 + $370 = $1900 approx.

Now let’s factor time, it takes 10 minutes per purchase on average. 10 minutes times 37 purchases is about 370 minutes. Multiply that by a standard rate for a carpenter of $25 / hour = Another $154. Thus bringing the grand total to $2070.

To recap we have:      $1550 – Chew

                                $370 – Additional purchases

                                $150 – Lost time

                                $2070 Grand total

This is of course averaged and approximated throughout the year.

To put this total into perspective, a monthly average = $172.50 per month. My used car payment is only $158 per month.

There were some days I would use more than a can of chew per day. There would be some days that I would use less. Surprisingly I never graduated to any higher level of consumption. In addition, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who chewed more than I did either.

Day 21 – Been sick for a week now

            I have been sick for a week now. I have had my good days and my bad days, well no let me rephrase that I’ve had my bad days and I’ve had my worse days. I thought I was improving with the medicine but I found out different. It’s still making me sick, I’m glad it’s almost gone and the stuff in my mouth and throat appear to be gone.

On top of that, I’ve been immersed in a research paper for the better part of 2 weeks. I must be absolutely insane to have undertaken a quest of this magnitude. 9 books countless websites all in the interest of getting a good grade and once I turned in the paper, it occurs to me that the paper sucks and would likely score an F. Now back to the insane part, one of the most important parts of quitting smoking or chew or whatever, is forgetting about it at some point and the sooner the better. You change your habits, you develop new routines, and you pacify your brain all in the interest of reprogramming yourself.

            Makes sense right? One thing you don’t do is immerse yourself in a project that forces you to contemplate your addiction for every second of every minute of every hour of every day for the better part of 2 weeks. And then getting sick from one of my replacements and have stayed sick from the medicines that are supposed to make me well. All this research and feeling like crap, and all the sudden I’m thinking smoking sounds pretty good right now.

            No, I’m not going out to buy a pack and a lighter. I’ve suffered through this much I’m not going to give up that easily. But it is incredibly difficult to focus on anything else, right now and really hard not to be irritable. Something I swore I would do my absolute best not to do. Besides that, as I have stated before I hate smoking that’s why I took up chew. Although now that I think about it, I don’t know why I took up chew instead. The first time I put it in I lost my cookies within about 15 minutes.

            I had a few friends that chewed but I wasn’t the kind of kid that went out of my way to fit in. I was gullible though. Perhaps it was my cousin talking me into it, or wanting to do it himself and bringing me along for the ride. I don’t know. End result, 27 years of addiction. I’ve heard lately how much worse it is for chewers to quit because they get nicotine nearly all the time. I would agree with that concept except I’ve never smoked so I can’t attest to how hard it is to stopping smoking.

            I can attest to one point though Nystatin Oral susp. is nasty crap. It tastes ok, it goes down fine and gives you the illusion that its good stuff. Then next thing you know you feel like hell. My head hurts, my stomach starts feeling queasy, and then I start to feel nauseated. If I don’t go lay down I end up throwing up. Sometimes I end up vomiting any way. I’ve gotten use to the crap now, so I don’t vomit much anymore but just damn near. I have to do this 4 times a day. I’ve got one more dose and then I think I’m going to stop. Going through all of this makes me so tired but I can’t sleep so I try to do my homework and I can’t stay awake, back and forth back and forth.  I think I’ll go try now.

Day 17 - Who Cares how many hours - Being sick sucks!

For those of you following along with my tobacco cessation quest. Last Friday I developed a medical condition in my mouth. Of course this brought about a great deal of concern from inside of me. I was wondering (was scared shitless about) what it could be. There is nothing like a good anxiety attack to get you going. Being somewhat impatient and conscious I decided to let my fingers do the walking. Needless to say the Internet is an awesome tool. Something that might take several hours or days to research now can be confirmed within a few minutes; if you look in the right places. Look in the wrong places and you could end up jumping off a bridge. By that I mean you could end up with the wrong diagnosis over a current medical condition.

There are those of you that will say “Let the Doctor’s do the diagnosis.” And to that I respond, “Absolutely! I totally agree with you.” However, it was Friday night and I had to know. So what I found were some gruesome tales, even more gruesome pictures and a whole lot of information to process. So why bother, Right? Truth is when I completed my rudimentary diagnosis I determined first and foremost, that I needed to go to the doctor. This condition regardless of what ailment it was was not going away on its own. I decided that it was most likely brought on by quitting chew and the over consumption of the Altoids and that it was most likely Thrush. I had never heard of Thrush. It is simply a yeast infection. It is very much the same as a common female condition, except this was in my mouth. In fact the active ingredient in Monistat is the same active ingredient in pills and liquid they use to treat Thrush. If thrush reaches the digestive tract and the blood system it can wreak all kinds of havoc. Including liver failure, kidney failure, on and on and on…. my initial determination was that if it had not improved over the weekend then I would go to the doctor.

When I had completed my prognosis I decided I would be going regardless. As it turned out it had progressed into my throat and down my esophagus and possible as far as my stomach. I could actually feel its progress. It got to the point that it felt like food was stuck in my throat, I could hardly swallow, and I had the sensation of a marble sitting on top of the “valve” to my stomach.

The earliest they could fit me in was Monday at 3:00pm. The nurse put me through all the basics and then asked what the problem was. I couldn’t resist, I stuck my tongue out at her, and once her eyes focused she kind of backed off a little and said “ok then, huge nasty looking furry spotted tongue, we have a new doctor do you mind if we send her in?" I said "Not at all." I just wanted this thing diagnosed and treated. The doctor came in a few minutes later and said she wanted me to stick out my tongue. She asked me a bunch of questions as she inspected it. I informed her that I’d quit chewing and that I’d been without chew for well over a week. She then left and came back with my regular doctor who asked me to show her too. By this time I felt like a circus freak, “The hairy tongued frog man”. My regular doctor says rather abruptly and with raised voice, “Stop the lozenges!” To which I responded in kind,” I already have!” And she said “Good, let me write you a script for the patches”, referring to nicotine patches. I told her, “No that’s ok I’m past most of the withdrawal now, and I’d rather not." She then wrote a script for the pills (fluconazole) and a liquid (Nystatin) to swish and swallow until after the Thrush appeared to be gone.

The pills weren't so bad there were two of them and they were to be taken 1 a day for 2 days, no big deal. The oral rinse on the other hand, said it could give me headaches, make me nauseated and cause vomiting. It has caused all three in varying degrees all week. It’s finally subsiding but it's still not very fun. I can attest to everything they said might happen on the information sheet, does. To top it off I have to take this for 48 hours after resolution. Which means once you think it's gone, take some more and if you run out come get another bottle just so you can take some more. Apparently yeast infection is pretty resilient and likes to hide so they over treat it just to make sure it’s gone. On the bright side it tastes ok, well at least it does the first time.

 Stopping tobacco sucks but going overboard on the Altoids made it worse. I’m still tobacco free. But this was pretty freaky. The Altoids were barely a success this time. I don’t think I would consider doing this with the Altoids again or at least not by themselves. Let’s hope I never have to. The Thrush meds said they would make me sick and they have. I’ve been nauseated and ill since Monday night. I cannot wait for this stuff to be gone

Roma's Interview

 Roma’s Interview

            I’m sitting here with no idea where to begin. We’ve been seeing Roma for several years now. She is one person I trust explicitly to give it to me straight and won’t use what I say as a weapon against me. Roma is our family counselor and marriage counselor. I’ve decided to turn the tables around and ask questions of her for a change. I want to know why a knowledgeable psychotherapist would allow an addiction to control her life.  Why hasn’t she quit after all these years?

I called her up and explained my situation, and that I needed her help. She stated “Come on over, I don’t have any clients right now.” So I headed out the door. “Wow she is so cool,” I thought to myself. My head was reeling with questions as I drove to her house. It’s a blue with brick veneer, ranch style home with a two car garage and a walk-out basement that has been remodeled into an apartment for her mother, Marie. Marie by the way is in her 90’s and legally blind. Roma and her husband live up stairs and Marie lives downstairs. They have people come in to take care of her during the day. Thus she has ‘round the clock care this way but doesn’t have to live in a nursing home.

           

After I knocked on the door she came and opened it slightly and then proceeded to walk back into her office saying, “Come on in.”  Inside it is your average home; not too fancy but nice and well kept. Not that you would expect anything less, she’s a professional.

I walked into what most would call the living room, which she uses as her office. This is where she practices. Her glider rocker with matching ottoman, are placed almost exactly in the center of the room facing a couch on one wall. She has her coffee table or night stand next to her. The Couch is not your stereotypical psychiatrist’s couch, but a big fluffy f-leather (fake leather) couch, so fluffy that I felt like I was going to get lost in it. While sitting here I realized that the footrest / coffee table is actually an old leather trunk. I find it amazing how after all these years I never really paid much attention.

We sat there talking for some time about my quitting tobacco use and how I hadn’t told my soon-to-be ex-wife what I was doing. Which she responded, “So why do you think that is?” As I started to explain my position on the matter, I stopped myself and started to laugh. She smiled curiously back at me and asked, “What is it?” As I replied, “I’m supposed to be interviewing you, remember?”  She laughed and said, “Ok let’s get to it then.”

As I began my series of questions I became very aware of how little I really knew about this woman. For instance, on the wall as she pointed out, she has prominently displayed three certificates, one from the state of Iowa proving the LISW on her title (Licensed Iowa Social Worker). Another proving her master’s degree in Social Work. The third of which I found quite intriguing, a blue belt certificate in the martial art of Kung Fu.  So if I get out of line she really can put me in my place.

Not that I would have ever doubted that notion anyway, she’s your typical Iowa farm girl. Being a woman in her late fifties to early sixties, she still looks to be a very stout woman. I think she would stand out in a crowd, but not because of her auburn colored hair, or her sometimes unique attire, but because she carries this presence with her. It is this presence that I find very calming. She can usually put me at ease even when the conversation is leading somewhere outside of my comfort zone.

I found it amazing that she was also quite at ease talking to me about herself. I found out that she started smoking when she was eighteen and in college away from home for the first time. She bought a pack of cigarettes and made herself smoke, she thought it would make her look more sophisticated; “more cosmopolitan” as she described it. After she’d learned how to smoke and in an attempt at impressing him, she began smoking with her boyfriend who was 3 years older.

I found it interesting too, that although I knew she smoked, I did not know she hid it from her family, especially her mom. I asked her why but she didn’t really know, she just wasn’t comfortable smoking around them.

She has quit smoking three times. The first time was cold turkey. She said, “It was awful! Never again.” The second time she used nicotine patches and according to her, “They worked the best.” The third time she used the infamous Chantix. It gave her diarrhea and made her grumpy. I can attest to the effects of Chantix first hand (well second hand actually) my wife turned into this incorrigible monster while she was taking it. I became a walking target of aggression. I believe it gave her diarrhea as well.

I initiated a conversation about hypnosis. But the only comment she would go on record with was, “From what I understand, hypnosis therapy can leave you in a very raw emotional state.”  Personally, I think that is probably true of any therapy, you’re in your therapists hands so to speak and it’s up to them to recognize whether or not you are in a stable state before they let you leave the session.

As Roma stated, “I blame myself for my smoking habit. You have to want to quit or you’ll never succeed.” She’s almost embarrassed about her addiction. We agree that if you don’t truly want to quit tobacco, then there is no point in paying out large sums of money in an effort to find a quick fix. There is no quick fix. It takes a concentrated effort and absolute commitment to stop. It takes no more than a lapse in judgment and a few seconds to re-start.

I walked into this interview wanting answers. How could she allow herself to be controlled by this addiction? When I walked away, I understood, she’s human. She wasn’t a therapist when she started smoking; she was a smoker that started practicing psychotherapy and she’s good at what she does. So many professionals out there succumb to the pressures and stressors of their lives; they resort to illicit and illegal forms of addiction. Smoking is legal, and she was of legal age when she started.  I would guess that’s better than most tobacco users can say.

Day 12 - alot of hours- Who's idea was this anyway?

Whose idea was this any way? I’ve officially burned a hole in my tongue and given myself a sore throat from the over consumption of Altoids. I’m not surprised. Earlier in the week I commented that one would get tired of their replacement and want to go back to tobacco or move on to another form of replacement. Well fortunately and unfortunately my next form can’t be edible because I have a hole in the back of my tongue and throat. Ok not an actual hole but it feels like it. The area is irritated and raw feeling and swallowing is difficult to say the least, and there is swelling.

Yes if it persists I will have it checked out. Wouldn’t that be ironic? I quit chewing only to find out that I have cancer. That would be incredibly messed up. I understand that the symptoms I am describing also fit with the development of cancer. But the truth is it’s also a big white patch on the back of my tongue that is dissipating the longer I go without the Altoids. And we’ll see if the irritation goes away by the end of the weekend. Also for the record, I went through 24 tins of those Altoids, I got to where I would pop 6 of them at a time, and it’s no wonder why it would be irritated.

Wow those pictures are nasty, talk about real life Nightmare on Elm Street. Freddy is coming to get me. The pictures of the cancer look nothing like my tongue. Actually my tongue looks like rush according to the internet picture I found. With a couple white spots on my tonsils looking like strep throat. The white patchy stuff is subsiding. The image to the right is a picture I copied off of the internet with patchy coloration looking like my tongue. The picture to the left is my patchy tongue with the irritated spot in the middle. The area was probably twice as long earlier today. This is as good a reason to quit chew as any. Too many close calls, too many what ifs. I’m glad I quit when I did, wish I’d quit sooner.

Day 9 - 144 hours Tobacco Free

Mmmmm…. Altoids, come to daddy.  Ok it’s day 9, I’m kinda droppin’ the ball here. Truth is it’s really hard for me to concentrate on anything right now.  I forgot one key element from when I quit in 2001. Just because you’re past the hump as I put it in an earlier post, does not mean you’re over the withdrawal phase. It means the worst part is over, the part that scares everybody.  The part that makes you feel like dying. Oh ya, ok, now I got your attention.  

Knowing ones triggers is very important to your success. I think I pointed out some common ones, last time. For instance, getting out of bed, after eating a snack or a meal, with caffeinated products, while driving, resisting the urge to beat the living shit out of your wife’s boyfriend as he passes you in the hallway because you got home before he left. Basic stuff you get the idea. We all have our triggers. Things we do routinely because of something else. And things that set us off, causing stress. Like when I open my mouth, and she starts arguing; according to her all men are created equally, there all wrong. ERRRRRR…. You get the idea.

Knowing what to do? And When? Is mostly a trial and error thing. When a triggering event happens and you feel the urge to put in a dip or light up a cigarette, you must have available a replacement. Up until now I’ve been successfully relying on my Altoids. Some people use hard candy, mints, licorice, gum, or whatever comes to mind. As long as it’s not tobacco. Now at some point you are definitely going to get sick of these things and there will be a point that they don’t do much anyway. Why? Because you’ve moved past needing the tobacco. But you still need to maintain this new lifestyle.

One of the strategies that I stumbled across back in 2001 was visualization. We’ve all heard of visualization, coaches have been training with visualization techniques for decades. Martial Arts instructors have taught students to quiet their minds and focus on a particular outcome. It’s all the same thing. Well, the visualization I’m talking about is a little different. If you will notice at the bottom of the home page there are two pictures that continually change and another area that has links to videos on YouTube. Look real closely and you will see some of the most disgusting morbid photographs ever taken. These are just quick searches through certain photo-bases using specific keywords, but they do the trick.

The coaches and Martial Arts instructors all had positive reinforcement on their minds but I want to break the positive reinforcement left behind after years of using tobacco. Years of feeling pleasure from that big ole dip or drag first thing in the morning. There is only one way to do that and that is to get the brain to associate negative imagery with the act of using tobacco.

I’ve heard of people licking the ashtray just to give themselves a negative sensation to associate with smoking. My suggestion is to utilize these nasty disgusting pictures. Now you might be asking why these pictures? These pictures happen to be the results of chewing or smoking tobacco. Funky growths around the mouth, missing teeth, missing jaws, hacked apart and cut up faces, the dude with his cheek just gone… Mind blowing isn’t it? Well that’s the idea, visual association and over stimulation with images related to the acts of using tobacco. I must go to bed now I have to be up in 3 hours. Good night everyone.

Day 6 - 72 hours without tobacco

It would seem that I am over the hump. As of about 1:30 am Friday morning I quit chewing. The idea was supposed to be Thursday evening but it turned into Thursday night and then I fell asleep at the desk as usual and it turned into Friday morning. What’s done is done and here we are. My last entry was not one of my clearest moments. I had a daughter ask me the next day if I was high. I laughed at her and then explained the obvious, to which she replied “oh yah… that’s right.” To be honest I have considered several times either cleaning up that entry or deleting it but I think it’s a good dose of reality. Especially when you factor in that I don’t really remember even typing it.

        In a lot of respects, more so than most might realize, coming down off of tobacco is like coming down off of cocaine. There is research out there that suggests that Nicotine affects the same receptors in the brain that cocaine does, and thereby causes the brain to produce a lot of the same chemicals that are produced when taking cocaine. So it makes sense why people go through similar stages of withdrawal when quitting tobacco as when people go into detox for cocaine. Now I’m not going to sit here and purport that I’m going through the same thing. As I have never done cocaine or crank or the like.

I can tell you that the last 72 hours have been hell and if not for a certain friend I might have gone a different direction with this. As it is I have seen the effects illicit drugs can have on people and on their lives. I can only imagine the amount of pain and suffering they might have endured giving up something that controlled their every move, their every waking thought and probably most of their sleeping ones as well. I can only imagine the amount of commitment it must have taken to give up a controlled substance. If for no other reason than that of her only child. I would imagine this pales by comparison.

        I have made it through the withdrawal phase. This phase is where you would make a deal with the devil just for a dip or a drag. I went through about 10 packs of Altoids, total. One of my triggers, I discovered was just the sensation of pain in my mouth and jaw. If my mouth or jaw would start to ache I would develop a huge desire to put in a dip. However, if I ate enough Altoids the resulting sensation would circumvent the trigger.

        This coming week will be more of a matter of conviction, and determination. As well as discovering other triggers and recording them. I'll be watching my caffeine intake aswell because caffeine and nicotine go hand in hand for me, I don't usually have one without the other. Sleeping after quitting nicotine is difficult to predict before you quit. Some people sleep alot afterwards. Some people can't sleep at all afterwards. I am going to need more sleep than usual, but if I don't watch my caffeine closely I could end up being awake several days straight. I would rather avoid that scenario.

Day ? No freakin' clue it's been 24 hours without chew.....

Well, here it is day… I don’t have any idea, I know it’s been 24 hours since my last dip, It would have been longer but I fell asleep with it in. I went about 6 hours without, prior to putting it in. I’m on my 4^th or 6^th can of Altoids. The fog has set in, nothing makes sense at the moment, nothing feels right, nothing feels normal. I can’t stay awake, but I can’t go to sleep, see what I mean? Too much caffeine today and yet I need another right about now. Today I felt like the energizer bunny on crack, so impatient and so anxious to leave the house, I wanted my youngest to get his homework done before we left, but he kept screwing around. ARRGH! He was so wound up it was unbelievable. I kept telling him to breath in slowly through your nose and out slowly through your mouth. I think I was talking to myself, I might as well have been. Ok this is ridiculous It’s taken an hour or better to type this up I give , good night all.

Day 2 - Not looking forward to Friday

If you've ever tried to quit tobacco, you know exactly what it means to go through withdrawal. Withdrawal for those of you that have never experienced it is the body's way of kicking into survival mode. If you have any aspirations of quitting tobacco you must be prepared. You must know what to expect, so that you can act rather than react to this mind altering state.

At first you feel an urge, something growing inside of you. That urge develops into desire; eventually you realize you “want” your tobacco. Mmmmm, sounds sooo good right now. Then within minutes that desire graduates to “Hello, I need it and I need it now!” This is what most people call a nic fit, the body kicking in to starvation mode. Because it thinks it’s going to die from lack of nicotine. Sounds melodramatic I know but if you’ve ever witnessed anyone start shaking because they needed a drag or a dip you can attest to the overpowering effects nicotine withdrawal can have on a person.

There are several ways to avoid such an incident, or at least tone it down. One way is to give in, most of us addicts do. That’s why we continue to do something that we know is unhealthy. But then that would defeat the purpose of this Quest.

Another approach which I don’t subscribe to is using nicotine replacement therapy. This is where you use a nicotine containing product to replace your nicotine containing product. There by maintaining your addiction to nicotine while convincing your body that you don’t need whatever you are trying to quit and then in theory weaning yourself of the new products. For some people this has worked and has worked well. They did exactly what they were supposed to do and eventually graduated to not needing the new products and succeeded in quitting. For many others however it allowed them to take their nicotine addiction to an all time high because they started using both.

I know people that have done this. A patch on one or both arms and still smoking 2-3 packs a day. Another friend of mine took up chewing to quit smoking and ended up chewing and smoking at the same time. Where is the sense in that? Truth of the matter is, you have to want to quit. And once you have truly decided to quit you have to make an absolute unmistakable commitment to quitting no matter how bad it seemingly gets. If you’re not ready, you’re just putting yourself and everyone you know through hell. They deserve better and so do you. Don’t beat yourself up or them there’s no point, you weren’t ready, move on, when you are ready then go for it.

In 2001 I quit chewing tobacco using non-nicotine replacement therapy along with several other techniques. I spoke with a lady that used black licorice every time she would normally light up. She initially hated black licorice so this worked well however eventually she developed a taste for it. By that time it was several weeks past the intense withdrawal phase of quitting, so one could say that it was successful. At the time that we spoke she had been a non-smoker for several years. I find black licorice so repulsive that I would rather “eat” a can of tobacco.

I decided to try Altoids instead. These worked perfectly; “The Curiously Strong Mint”, as it says on the tins. If you’ve ever had them you probably ate them one at time and they ain’t lyin’ they’re strong. So I’d pop about 4 or 5 at a time when the need arose and my mouth would forget any notion of putting chew in it. Eventually the cravings for the nicotine subsided and I developed an incredible tolerance to strong mints, sours and the like. On a positive note I had good smelling breathe for the first time in nearly 20 years.

One key ingredient to this technique is to learn what your triggers are. If you don’t know what your triggers are then how can you hope to circumvent a Chernobyl incident in your living room? You might be wondering what a trigger is? Well simply put it can be any routine action.

Here is a daily routine of mine: Wake up in the morning, put in a dip, take out dip, brush teeth, put dip back in, drink caffeinated pop, leave house, maybe stop at gas station for breakfast and more pop, take out dip, eat, put in fresh dip, drive for hour or so put in a little more, go to class, maybe take out dip, maybe not, sit through 3 hours of class, take out dip, eat lunch, study, maybe put in a dip while waiting for next class or put it in right before next class, If I managed to not put one in before class then get out of class go immediately to car and put in huge dip, get another pop, drive home an hour or so, take out dip just prior to dinner, eat, put in another dip, sometimes fall asleep with it in my mouth sometimes take it out just before going to bed...

So what are my triggers? Waking up, eating, drinking pop, driving, periods without chew in my mouth. Oh and the more caffeine I take in the more nicotine I take in, meaning the more chew I put in my mouth. This week I’ve been pushing the envelope with my chew. I’ve been going longer periods without it. I won’t chew on campus anymore. And I’ve been cutting back on my caffeine, which will play an important role next week.

Friday is Q-Day, I will quit cold turkey. I’m spending this week preparing. Preparing for the cold sweats, the panic attacks, my body feeling like it’s going into shock. Tomorrow I have to pick up a big pack of Altoids, I’ve already popped a few of those this week. I have the whole weekend planned out. Busy, busy, busy So if you are wondering just how committed I really am to this you’re just going to have to tune back in tomorrow and this weekend to find out

Enjoy the day.

My Quest - Breaking An Addiction

            Tobacco use and consumption pre-dates the first millennia. The act of “chewing” tobacco was the most prevalent form of consumption until the 20^th century. With the industrialization of the cigarette, smoking quickly over took the market as the most prevalent form of consumption. Men, women, and children use tobacco in all of its forms on a regular basis even today.  As a chewer myself I know the effects tobacco can have on your life.  Tobacco in any form when consumed is unhealthy. I have decided I’ve had it with this ball and chain weighing me down.

            I’ve been chewing since I was 12 years old. Most of my family smoked, but I liked being able to breath, so I refrained from smoking. In August of 1983 I snagged a free sample off of a fence, surrounding a Skoal booth at the Balloon Nationals in Indianola, Iowa.  Back then the Nationals where held on the Simpson College campus which is just a few blocks from my uncle’s house. My cousin and I snuck in after hours grabbed two of the samples off the fence, and ran home as fast as we could, thinking the cops were going to catch us. We then immediately ran into the bathroom and cracked open our cans.

            That was the beginning of my addiction. Every tobacco user has some tale to tell about how they started, most of us can probably remember where, possibly when, and with whom the event took place. I highly doubt anyone that has taken up its use ever asked why? Well, at least not before hand. After turning three shades of green, losing our breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and / or some other form of bodily rejection, we then probably asked why?

            After years of riding the roller coaster that tobacco use is, I quit in 2001 for 6 months. My life was out of control and this was one step I could take to make it better. I did the research, studied different approaches, scoured the internet, doctors’ offices, and picked people’s brains, every source I could think of. I was so well prepared that I quit just prior to going on a week long, trip to Atlanta, Georgia (a couple of hours before I got on the bus) and none of the team members or other bus passengers realized I had quit. When I told my co-passengers I had quit, while on the trip home, they were flabbergasted.

            At this point you might be asking yourself, “Why did you start chewing again?” Truth is I chose to start chewing again. I enjoy chew, there is nothing like that mini-buzz you get first thing in the morning. Aside from that it’s calming, almost as good as any sedative. On the night in question, I found myself being confronted with three choices; go to jail, go to the ER for a shot of Ketamine, or put in a big fat dip. Obviously I chose the latter. The next morning I woke up and put in another.  I enjoyed it so much that I kept doing it.

            I will be providing you with an introspective look at the process of quitting tobacco as I “quit” again. My life once again feels like it’s out of control. So over the next thirty days I will be quitting tobacco. It’s one thing that I can do for myself. It’s one step towards a better life. Most people don’t realize the level of control that tobacco has over all of our lives. It’s everywhere, and unlike smoking, tobacco users can chew anywhere, still. No, those little “Tobacco Free Zone” signs don’t mean much to an insidious dip user. Why would they, there’s no enforcement. Unless you smoke or are blatantly unsanitary about it, spitting on the floor or whatever, no one seems to care. That is except for the occasional jealous smoker who knows your secret.

The goal is to be tobacco free at the end of thirty days and looking forward to the next thirty days without tobacco. I will be (more or less) quitting cold turkey as well. No drugs, no patches, no nicotine gum, no electronic cigarettes, no hypnosis, and no bull, just done. You wouldn’t give an alcoholic a beer to replace his whiskey, this situation is no different. I have one safety in place. In the unlikely event it looks like chewing is the only alternative, to going to jail or worse, I will be putting in a dip. I believe a little latitude is warranted given the seriousness of such an event. It is now time to kick this ball and chain to the curb and put it in the past where it belongs. You are welcome to join me, that is of course, if you have the nerve.